his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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