i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
