I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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