I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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