im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
