I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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