i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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