Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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