Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
