i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
