Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
