Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
its not stalking. its research.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
