im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
