Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
