Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
