Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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