i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
