we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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