we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
