The maid of honor just puked.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
