I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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