Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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