We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
