fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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