She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
