Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
