I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
