so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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