There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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