wrigley field is MILF paradise
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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