i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
