dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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