I'm lost and stupid without you.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
