Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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