Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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