I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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