I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
