and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
