you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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