Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
