no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
