in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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