Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
