I just saw a hot homeless man
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
