its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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