I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
