I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
