We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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