party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
