remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
