Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
