Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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