do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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