So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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